Nobody cares vs I don’t care

But it’s funny isn’t it? If you think about it, happiness is the cause of sadness. If you don’t have any expectations from situations, you wouldn’t be disappointed about anything.

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I’m not in the mood right now.

My head is throbbing and my shoulders are aching. I don’t even know how to describe my heart. It’s like a hand is squeezing it and then by doing so, something flew out and blocked my lungs.

I can’t breathe. I’m gasping for air.

I called out to my best-friend but I think I just made her mad. I called out to my other friends but it seems like nobody really cares nor likes what I did yesterday. And then every negative thing that happened so far in my life just started appearing one by one.

Nobody loves me. Or I guess everybody is busy trying to find love from others as well. But the more I dwell on these thoughts, the more they disgust me.

Seeking approval? From others? How completely nauseating. I am not this person. I refuse to be this person because it doesn’t make any sense and I pride myself on being a rational person. I’m not hurt. I shouldn’t be hurt. Why am I hurt just because some people ignored me? Why does it pain me to see them be happy because of┬áreasons other than me?

Why am I seeking so much attention as if it is the only thing that can grant me happiness?

A question I’ve asked myself over and over again for the past years is “why care?”

And oh, if I can, how I would love not to care about anything anymore.

My mind is eating me but I need it to turn the situation around.