I’m not in the mood right now.
My head is throbbing and my shoulders are aching. I don’t even know how to describe my heart. It’s like a hand is squeezing it and then by doing so, something flew out and blocked my lungs.
I can’t breathe. I’m gasping for air.
I called out to my best-friend but I think I just made her mad. I called out to my other friends but it seems like nobody really cares nor likes what I did yesterday. And then every negative thing that happened so far in my life just started appearing one by one.
Nobody loves me. Or I guess everybody is busy trying to find love from others as well. But the more I dwell on these thoughts, the more they disgust me.
Seeking approval? From others? How completely nauseating. I am not this person. I refuse to be this person because it doesn’t make any sense and I pride myself on being a rational person. I’m not hurt. I shouldn’t be hurt. Why am I hurt just because some people ignored me? Why does it pain me to see them be happy because of reasons other than me?
Why am I seeking so much attention as if it is the only thing that can grant me happiness?
A question I’ve asked myself over and over again for the past years is “why care?”
And oh, if I can, how I would love not to care about anything anymore.
My mind is eating me but I need it to turn the situation around.